kurogeisha

kurogeisha @ 2009-12-10T15:01:00

2009-12-10T23:01:21Z

Yesterday I went to Arlington cemetery with my family to bury Granddaddy. I'm not really sure how I feel. Its like it doesn't make any sense that he's dead when he was alive and talking not too long ago. I think that these last few weeks have been the first time I've ever seen my grandma cry; I hated it, but at the same time I'm glad shes letting it out. it was strange; when I heard the gun fire, it was a lot louder then I expected. that very moment, I think is when I think I heard grandma sobbing, and then when the music came. I know I heard steady sounds of people crying. I'm not sure who was crying exactly at those moments, whether it was me, my mom, my aunt or cousins, or maybe it was my imagination. it all seems so unreal. when people were finally walking away, I felt that I could cry then, because people weren't around. I wanted to stay there with him just a little longer, and a part of me wanted to go to the place where he is right now ( not that I wanted to die, I just wanted to be with him somehow). my mom came and took my back to the limo; I'm glad she did. The ride back home started out quiet and heavy, but gradually the buzz of conversation returned and the sun even came out after there being rain all morning. I'm not sure where he is right now, but I'm trying to accept all this and my feels, and even accept that I have no idea where he is or if I'll ever see him again. I'm still a little weak and selfish I think, because I want him to come back even though that wouldn't be for the best. I want to be happy that hes not suffering anymore, but I have absolutely no way of knowing that. I only have faith to cling to for that kind of comfort. the only thing that's truly apart of him that I still have are memories. Now that hes gone, that and ever thing else seem so weak and impermanent, almost like I could put my hand through it all. Its all so confusing and I don't have the strength to look too hard for the answer I think. Either way, I feel sad, like theres literally a part of my heart that has just ceased to exist. What keeps me going is not just my own sense of self-preservation, but also because I have family and friends around me who have been very supportive.

on a lighter note, i think I found my favorite kanji: 詩 its shi, the word for poetry. It was love at first sight lol

kurogeisha @ 2009-12-06T00:30:00

2009-12-06T08:30:29Z

These feelings, I don't know where they come from...not exactly anyway. I can't tell them to anyone specifically. If I did I would feel foolish, pathethic, and like a selfish bitch. but maybe I am all those things. I don't wish to keep these feelings buried deep in the back of my mind, but I think thats my best option. I feel lonely and abandoned.I know these emotions have no backing..they don't make sense , or reflect reality but I feel them all the same. I feel angry and maybe bitter and hateful even though I don't have the rig ht to. I feel silly and so much like a loser for feeling and thinking these things. I shouldn't be so affected by this but it keeps poping up in my mind at odd times when I can't ignore it. I'm not sure, but I think this can't/ shouldn't simply be ignored, but I have no choice but to try to do just that. I wish I could tell someone how I feel but for some reason I can never get it out( though I have tried). I wish I could find someone to tell me why I feel this way and exactly what I should do, but I don;t think that person exists. still I think I'll be alright despite all of it. I have other things I have to focus on after all. lucky for me, I do have friends and family and work and school, and quite a few otherr things to do/think about. but I find at times like this when everything else is cleared from my mind, these confusing painful feelings stir. good thing I have the internet to whine to. Here, since no one is really listening I can say what I want to without having to worry about being confusing, hurtful, or stupid like I do in real life. Its always felt extremely defficult for me to express my emotions, even to myself. I'm improving slowly, but its still hard at times. here at least, I can let my thoughts out into the endless stream of zeros and ones so that they won't rot inside me. I feel the same, but at the same time slighty releaved. my head is a tiny bit clearer then it was a few minutes ago when I started typing.

Writer's Block: My Family's Future

2009-07-30T00:44:27Z

What do you most want for your family’s future?

Presented by Intel, Sponsors of Tomorrow.

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I just want my family to be able to live comfortably, be treated at a hospital without being worried about being preyed on fiancially, and to always have food and shelter. Though since we are'nt rich and white that may be hard to get lol *fustrated rant mode*

kurogeisha @ 2009-05-22T17:51:00

2009-05-23T00:56:36Z

I got two of my wisdom teeth out today. All I have to say is that I hope to never see a needle that big directed at me ever again! and having a peice of my body just sawed out felt like a horrible shock!!! *being overly dramatic*
I have control over my mouth now that the feeling has returned, but nows theres dry blood everywhere (EWW).
I can't eat solids so I'm slowly dying from hunger; I honestly don't think I'll be able to survive the week only drinking chicken broth with mushed crackers in it ...

SUMONE FEED ME!!

Writer's Block: Table for One

2009-02-04T18:26:41Z

Do you ever go out to dinner (at a sit-down restaurant) by yourself?

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Usually I prefer to sit down with another person or else I'll feel awkward/silf-conscious..though from time to time I'll eat by myself in the diner. Plus I like to order alot so it'd be wierd to have two meals for one person i think lol

none porn tentacle story

2009-01-06T01:38:03Z

My eyes lids, heavy with fatigue, slowly open to a bright light, but something’s different about it. The colors, a rainbow maybe, is there some sort of weird lamp in the room? In the moment it took me to blink the crystalline like images dissolve and my vision clears.

But wait! “Where did the colors go, where is the light?” I say to myself as I realize that I’m in total darkness. Other then my confusion I feel strangely at peace. Even though I have no idea where I am or how I got here my body is not shaking, or sweating, in fact I soon realize that I can’t feel my body at all. I will my limbs to move, but nothing happens. Then I try to breath in but I have no breath, then how did I speak a while ago? Am I paralyzed, am I even alive?

Suddenly I feel strange, it was as if I was being pulled by something or called by someone. And that call vibrated through my consciousness until it grew into a loud uproar inside of me, even as the place I was in stayed silent. It grew to the point where I felt as if my mind would crack like glass, I knew that if I could I would be holding my hands to my ears and rolled over in agony. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore, and without thinking I allowed myself to be pulled towards that horrible thing that called me in the hopes that it would be satisfied, and feel no more need to call me. In my mind’s eye I saw what called me; it was something seemingly without form, yet I for some reason knew better. I knew that what I was looking at was bigger than me, bigger than anything I could imagine, so much so that my vision could only contain the darkness in it’s eyes that I was in front of. That darkness was what was calling me and as I looked into it I saw something that was darker than where I had been, darker than any blackness I had seen. It was as if I was staring into the heart of the abyss, into complete nothingness.

“What are you ?’ I said in my mind, but vibrated throughout as if I had yelled it in a cave. To my surprise I was given an answer.

“I am nothing, and I am everything….” it’s voice was low, more like a buzz, yet I understood what it said, but this only confused me more.

“ what do you mean, that’s not possible , that doesn’t even make sense. ..”

“what I am I can not fully describe in any language , but I will try…I am a shell that contains your reality, I am a corpse that contains the life energy, I am god, I am a demon, I am the dragon, the stream of all that is…but most importantly , I am you.”

At that instance something can from the darkness, another being charged at me with blinding speed. To fast for me to do anything, a monster burst forth from the eyes of the thing that had been speaking to me. I was slashed with red blood that glowed bright in the darkness . The monster was a lot smaller then the other one, but still a lot bigger then me. It seemed to have hundreds of powerful tentacles and surrounded me from all angles and pulled me towards a humanoid figure . As I was pulled closer I saw the monster’s face, and more importantly it’s eyes. It’s eyes where different then the monster that it burst from. It’s eyes seemed to contain a murderous intent, the blue in them seemed to twinkle in amusement as I made this observation. If I knew where it’s mouth was I imagine it would be smiling a toothy grin. That made me feel extremely nervous, especially now that I could feel my body, and it’s tentacles on my body.

another story i'll probably never finish lol

more smut

2009-01-06T01:36:18Z

can anyone guess who was the inspiration for my characters? lol

Laura was a normal girl, and there were certain things normal girls just didn’t do. Normal girls didn’t like other girls, normal girls didn’t fantasize about other girls, and normal girls certainly did not act on those fantasies. This was what Laura repeated in her head, as she was about to do exactly what a normal girl shouldn’t. even as she looked into auburn eyes , that flashed with an intense fire, yet showed gentle stillness within the flames, she still thought of herself as a normal straight girl. Even as a heated laugh escaped those full lips when little sounds involuntarily escaped her own. As soft , yet firm hands caressed and felt over her body: massaging the muscles on her back, to gently smoothing finger tips down her sensitive spine, then finally a grip on her ass, and her new lover started to grind into her heat intent on caressing that sensitive jewel between her legs , even before she got her cloths off! A shiver and sigh, told Shane her body was ready, but when she looked into the girl’s eyes there was something there that was not.

‘am I about to pop her cherry? something in her screams virgin…’ she thought to herself, but then as she looked pass those eyes that showed confusion, nervousness, and new found desire she caught something else.

‘or maybe not, at least not underneath ‘ these words that she herself didn’t fully understand at the time flashed through her mind. It was then she felt her inner sexual intuition thug at her, that little voice that was like any other women’s intuition, except this one got her some tail. She would never tell anyone her secret, though many wondered how exactly she did what she did. To her it was like there was this other presence inside of her, that attracted girls to her, and took over to give her that air of cool confidence. Without it she would be nervous as hell around so many pretty girls, just like most of the boys in her class. Luckily she had something they did not, and it was ready to play.

“shh, relax…” , yes this is how she would take her, putting her at ease so she could play nice before she unleashed that presence inside of her, that presence that seemed to crave the softness of a female, to see them ache and moan underneath her, to torture them with pleasure, and make them beg for pain, to feel that power and energy as she was inside of them. It could be either with her fingers, touching all their secret spots, or with her cock so she could penetrate the depths of those curves and that heat. Laura arched as her neck was assaulted with little bites and nips, and her clit throbbed from the pressure that was building up inside of her. This wasn’t what a normal girl did on a school night, the thoughts of what others would think of her if they knew what she really was doing. That thought was only momentary, as a soft kiss came to her lips and her eyes locked in with someone other then the girl she had invited to her slumber party.

‘those eyes, it’s like I’m being devoured by fire…’ she thought as a sudden haze came over her, as the beast crawled up from the abyss and replaced the girl Shane. It was then that Laura was pushed on her back on the floor. Before she could respond her legs were grabbed and she was pined , feeling like prey caught by a hungry predator. It was then that her world was about to erupt into nothing but heat, thrusts, and the sound of her own screaming.

“ do you know how hard I’m going to fuck you?”, it was more a statement then a question , as Shane’s lips crashed into Laura’s , alternating between soft and rough. She couldn’t seem to catch her breath as her lips were claimed, and her mind stopped thinking of what was normal and acceptable. As hips started moving fast to a non existent beat, Shane’s thighs grinded Laura’s clit and used her hands to rub and squeeze hard nipples and soft breasts. Each moan that escaped from her was like music, vibrating ecstasy through Shane’s body and increasing her hunger to be inside this beautiful girl beneath her.

‘I want to take, but not yet…’ the part of her that cared, wanted to make sure she wanted this, the other part just wanted to fuck her into next week. Finally when she felt Laura shift beneath to try to return her attention both sides decided a win-win way to solve the problem.

“do you want me to make you cum?” she whispered in one ear, waiting for the other’s reply. It wasn’t long before she heard mumbled “yes” , but of course that wasn’t going to be enough.

“okay, then I want you to beg . Beg me to fuck you. Beg me to let you cum.” each word, slowly said between bites of her sensitive earlobe.

TO BE CONTINUED??

untitled porn part 1

2009-01-06T01:27:16Z

Rating: Mature
Warnings: lesbian sex, D/s, slight puppy play, maybe a naughty word
Note: if anyone can beta this for me I will be eternally grateful :)

Shin lightly stroked Jun’s head until she gradually relaxed in her hold. A sigh that almost sounded like a purr came Jun as her body adjusted to both the weight of Shin and the invasive feeling inside her. Shin laughed as she was able to hear cat-like sounds coming from her puppy, who currently had shin’s cock buried deep inside her. This was actually the first time she had decided to penetrate Jun, though based on how she had went about it the correct thing to call this would probably be a mounting. Images of animals in heat on the discovery channel flashed through her mind, and Shin decided it wasn’t the worse way she could fuck someone. Her momentary indulgence of her idle thoughts was cut short as streams of electricity seemed to circle around her already slightly swollen clit. The cause was Jun who was past the point of adjustment had now become impatient with need. Her lower body moved around to get as much sensation as it could. While Shin thought her attempts and whimpers were cute, she needed to show her who was running this. Letting out a deep breath to gain control of her own body’s impulse to fuck the pussy in front of her as hard and fast as possible, Shin steadied herself.

“ If I’m going to fuck her like some wild animal I might as well mark my bitch” Shin said aloud , not caring if she was understood or not. Jun’s shudders brought a smile to her face as she gave her puppy a few more not-so-gentle love bites.

“ You don’t like what I’m doing?” she stated, more then asked, as Jun’s body started to struggle under hers. Confident that she’d be able to keep her prey put, shin wrapped one of her hands around Jun to grasp her most sensitive place. Jun’s body stiffened as an almost inaudible sob escaped her at the feel of her clit being handled. At the same time she could feel Shin move out of her slowly, leaving only the hint of the tip inside. Shin moved her hand and used it to take her cock and tease at Jun’s lips that were dripping and twitching with excitement. Pushing in only slightly, she could feel Jun try to pull her in.

“ You know how to tell me that you want it…” Shin’s voice seemed to drip with her heightened lust as she eagerly anticipated hearing her puppy beg. Jun hesitated and shook her head , showing her resistance and embarrassment. In response Shin bit her right on the her most tender spot on her neck, forcing something that sounded like a moan and whine from her mouth. Whispering words of encouragement in her ear, Shin took this time to squeeze her soft breast. Breathing in , Jun tried unsuccessfully to clear her head. Her body ached to have Shin inside, but she felt too embarrassed to give in to what her mistress wanted. As one more tremor passed through her body, Jun decided to stop thinking so hard so that she could give her body what it needed. As she tried to push her body back onto Shin she let out a soft sound that almost went passed Shin’s ears. In order to coax Jun to do it again, she finally started to slowly in whilst she gently played with her nipple. A final pinch and the start of a steady rhythm forced out what she wanted to hear. Jun began to bark and yap each time Shin stroked her inside, hitting the spots hidden deep within her body.

“That’s it…good girl” Shin barely breathed out, as she finally sped up to a pace more to her liking. Thrusting into her whimpering puppy’s pussy made her feel almost dizzy with pleasure. Letting go of Jun for a moment, she repositioned herself on her knees and held on to both sides of Jun’s hips. As she pushed into her she was able to force her hips back so that more of her cock could go into Jun’s waiting pussy. Jun shuddered almost violent as she felt herself reaching climax. Just as she was about to go over the edge Shin pulled out with a wicked grin plastered on her face.

“Sorry puppy ..well not really. But if you want your treat you’ll have to do a trick”

Shin’s fiendish laughter told her it would be a long night.

To be continued...

journal

2008-11-13T03:33:38Z

Today, in my art of asia class we learned about Hindu art and religion.The topics for some reason resonated with me on a spiritual and intellectual level. We went over sum basic beliefs of the Hindu religion, its similarities and differences with Buddhism, and a few symbols( some of which I found to be very amusing). Also I got a refresher on Hindu gods and myths, which is always fun. The two main things I want to talk about here is the Linga and a figure of the God, Shiva.

The first is the object the is used to represent various Gods in Hinduism, the Linga. Now what I find most interesting about the Linga is that it is also a phallus. In fact it symbolizes the cosmic phallus and divine masculinity. Now is a cosmic penis is not funny, then the story of it is. It basically goes like this:

One day the gods Vishnu and Brahma were having an argument over who was the greatest. Suddenly a giant, glowing Linga( Phallus) appeared before them. They saw that it seemed to have no beginning and end. To settle their argument that made a contest to see who could reach the top or bottom of it first. To make a short story even shorter there was no end to this dick. When they finally gave up, the god Shiva appeared before them , laughing in his true form. Seeing his glowiness, they bowed down before him and his massive dickage.

Another interesting fact about the Linga is that its often inside and on top of this figure that is basically a womb/vagina representing the divine feminine.

The second object was a figure of Shiva. It shows his powers of creation, destruction, and his ability to eliminate ignorance. What special about it to me is that the Shiva figure is stepping on a dwarf( which represents him stumping out ignorance). The dwarfs face shows no pain, and is actually in a state of bliss.For some reason I got an image of a four armed master Torturing his short slave into a world of divine pleasure. So I suppose the question is, would I fuck someone with four arms?...hell yes!

Thus concludes My journal entry that will probably land me in sum kind of hell.( I mean no harm.,really.)

kurogeisha @ 2008-04-01T14:28:00

2008-04-01T21:30:50Z

it's 75 degrees outside and i wanna take a nap! just whining to the aybss :p

doyobi fun!

2007-11-23T22:00:28Z

i'm excited cause my very good friend is coming over to visit. this will be the first time we met yay!!!!!!

Writer's Block: Black Friday

2007-11-23T21:57:28Z

When do you start your holiday shopping?

View 333 Answers

usually at the beginning of december to catch all the sales!

pruuttty!

2007-11-23T06:19:45Z

well i guess my very first post will be this cute little kanzashi tutorial i found on youtude *bows down to the almighty youtube*